so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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