My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
