She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
