How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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