please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
