He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
