apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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