cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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