Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
