I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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