Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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