When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
its liver damage thursday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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