im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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