just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
