ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
