So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
