sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
