I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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