Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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