there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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