You just made me feel so damn special
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
