What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
