Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
