Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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