I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I AM VODKA MAN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
