Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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