I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
