Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
