Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
