so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
