friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't notice because vodka
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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