i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
