I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
