i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
