Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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