Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
