dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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