I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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