and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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