I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
