You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
