I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
