First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
