Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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