dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
