he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
