So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
