whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
