the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
