i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
