Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
