dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
