I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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